So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
