onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
