I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How does it feel to date your dad?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
