if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
