He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
