I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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