Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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