she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
