I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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