I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
