You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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