thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
