The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love accidental penises.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
