toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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