**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want to make out with him forever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
