I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
