she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
