I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
