Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
