she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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