Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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