her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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