i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
