True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
