I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
