Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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