You can't special order awesome
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
