I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
