Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
