Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
