dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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