Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The power of my boobs compel you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
