Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
