Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
