I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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