Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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