A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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