Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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