I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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