I can text with my tongue
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
