is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
