If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this will be a night to untag.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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