whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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