I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Randomize
