i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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