Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
