dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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