somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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