it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was