Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you