Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
