god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
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Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.