Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
