I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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