two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
