IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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