dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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