Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You smell like stripper and shame
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
