Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
