do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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