like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
