his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
