God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
