Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
