How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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