You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
