Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
