The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
