WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
