Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
