I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
