I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
