That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
