I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ttyl tear gas
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
