I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
