yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
