I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
