It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
