Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
