Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
