After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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