Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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