I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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